


A Near Loss

by phanburnhamizzard



Category: Phan, Phandom, dan and phil
Genre: Comfort, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Gen, M/M, Worry, major character illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 08:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15408882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanburnhamizzard/pseuds/phanburnhamizzard
Summary: As Dan fights through life-saving surgery, Phil fights a mental battle of his own.





	A Near Loss

He sits alone in an empty waiting room, right leg bouncing with anxiety. He is worried about his best friend.

He had put on a brave face while they waited in the turmoil that is the A&E waiting room, but as soon as Dan was taken back to surgery, Phil nearly broke down.

It had been a frightening few days, with Dan feeling sicker and sicker each hour. Phil had nursed him as best he could, both boys thinking Dan just had a bad flu, until finally, yesterday evening, Dan had cried out in pain and Phil had darted to his side just in time to lower him to the floor as he collapsed. They had rushed to Hospital in a taxi, Phil wiping the sweat from Dan's brow and comforting him with quiet words whispered in his ear. After he had been admitted, Phil had called Dan's mum and she was in the surgical waiting room with his "close family", the only people allowed.

Phil sits alone now in the outer waiting room, feeling completely helpless. A nurse walks quickly by but makes no eye contact with him as she rushes off down the Corridor. The tall, thin boy slumps back in his chair and thinks of the last time he was in this position. He remembers the last time he sat in an A&E waiting room all alone, hoping against hope for a miracle. It just has to be okay this time, he thinks to himself. Please, please let it be okay.

Last time, it had not been okay. His best friend had died of massive internal injuries after a car crash. He had waited for hours during the surgery and had heard Rob's mother scream as she was told that her son hadn't made it. Phil had been completely devastated, and had fallen into a deep despair that had nearly consumed him. It had taken him nearly a year and a half to break through and to feel strong enough to make a new friend.

That friend had been Dan. The younger boy had reached out to him on Twitter and through the comments of his Youtube videos and they had connected immediately. Hours spent on Skype and playing video games together cemented their connection and Phil had felt like Dan was worth opening up for. He had felt like he could take another chance.

Phil stands up and begins to pace. He almost runs into the nurse who has come to give him an update: it is an intestinal torsion. The small intestine has turned in on itself, causing a complete blockage and tearing that could lead to infection and death. His friend's condition is very serious, and the doctors are doing all they can to save him. Phil thanks the nurse, then stands in silence and watches as she hurriedly walks away, her footsteps echoing down the hallway. He is again alone in the waiting room. He realizes that his feet are tingling. He needs to sit down before he passes out. He makes it to the chair just in time, slouches forward and rests his head in his arms. A single tear falls to his knee.

The younger boy had brought him such energy, and had opened his mind to so many different issues. Certainly, it had not all been easy. Dan's nervous breakdown had been difficult, but Phil had worked hard to keep his friend sane and in the end, their friendship had only grown stronger because of it. Moving in together had been a great decision. They both saved a lot of money and it was so convenient to have another YouTuber there to help with filming and staging. They would often stay up until 4 a.m. just talking, neither of them minding how late the hour had gotten.

Phil thinks it strange how quiet the waiting room is at 4 a.m. He wonders when he last ate. He can't remember when he last slept. He can't think of anything but Dan, lying on an operating table, his life in the hands of Physicians and Nurses. Over and over and over again, he repeats this prayer, "Please. Please let him be okay, please".

"Mr. Lester?" comes a voice from his left, startling Phil from his trance, "You're waiting on Mr. Howell correct? "

"Yes. Yes sir. How is he?"

"Stable condition,"the Doctor says hurriedly, "out of surgery, in recovery, still not awake yet but we don't anticipate any complications. You might as well go home, it will be about eight hours before he's ready for any other visitors outside of his close family"

"I'll just stay here--if that's OK," says Phil.

"Suit yourself", replies the Doctor as he rushes away to his next case.

Phil realizes his knees are shaking and he lowers himself back down to his chair. His mind is racing: the fear turning to disbelief turning to relief turning to joy. "Dan is going to be okay," he says to himself. "He is really going to be okay." Phil covers his face with his hands and begins to sob in relief. He hadn't lost another friend. He wasn't going to be alone again.

Three hours later, he is awakened by Dan's mum. " Phil? Wake up sweetie. Dan's asking for you. I'm going to run to the apartment and grab him a few things. You can go on up. He's in room 612. He has a mask on his face to help him breathe, so don't let that scare you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Howell", Phil says, wiping his puffy eyes and hoping she doesn't notice. He takes the stairs instead of the elevator so he can take time to compose himself. When he reaches the sixth floor, he checks in at the nurses' station.

"Hi. I'm Phil, a friend of Dan Howell's? I was just wondering..."

"Go on in honey," says the nice nurse behind the counter as she slips him a Kleenex, "He's sleeping. He's been through a lot and he's going to be in a lot of pain when he wakes up. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you there. He was asking for you earlier"

He creeps down the hallway and opens the door to Dan's room as quietly as he can. He is met with a site that makes him stand still on the spot. Dan, lying on his left side, a breathing mask fixed over his nose and mouth. His eyes shut, his face pale, his body the very definition of stillness. Phil silently slips into the chair beside Dan's bed, and stares at him. He looks like a perfect angel. Instinctively and without realizing that his doing it, he pulls out his iPhone and takes a picture of Dan. Some part of him wants to capture this moment forever: the moment of knowing for sure that his friend was going to be okay.

An hour later, Dan's eyes open and Phil can see the pain behind the glassy pupils. Phil calls for the nurse who rushes in and administers morphine. Dan remains awake for only a few moments, staring dreamily at Phil before drifting back off to sleep.

Thirty minutes later, Dan awakens again, this time seeming more himself.

"Jesus Christ this hurts."

" I'm sorry, Dan."

"What's wrong with your eyes, Phil?"

" I've been sleeping in the lobby. And then napping in here. I'm sure I look terrible..."

"Not as bad as me, " says Dan who has slipped the mask off of his face. "You know what I really want?" asks Dan, his tone serious.

"What is it, Dan?" asks Phil, moving in close.

"McDonalds", says Dan.

Phil smirks. "I think I can sneak some in," he says in reply. But Dan is already asleep again. Phil slips the mask back onto his friend's face, and heads out on his joyful errand.

Thirty minutes later, he is feeding Dan fries from the small bag in his coat pocket.

"I was really afraid, Dan", says Phil, quietly.

"Me too," says Dan.

They sit in silence for a moment.

"I was afraid I'd lose you and I didn't think I could bear it. Not again" Phil says, tears erupting from his eyes.

"Phily, I'm okay," Dan says, gently. "I'm sorry you were scared. I know how hard it was for you to lose Rob. But I promise, I'm not going anywhere. Okay?"

Phil takes Dan's hand in his then rests his forehead down on the bed atop it.

"Thank you" he whispers. "Thank you for letting him be okay".

An hour later, Dan's mom returns and Phil has to leave.

"See you later Dan" says Phil, surprised that he is choking up as he says the words. He forces a smile to cover the catch in his throat.

"I'm fine, you spork," answers Dan, tenderly. "I'll see you tomorrow"


End file.
